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Posts Tagged ‘freedom’

Last night I dreamt about recess with a poignancy I have not felt for a long while.  I remembered as a child how much I enjoyed and looked forward to that time of abandon, a small break in my day to run, to play and to imagine without any thought to the past or any concern for the future.  All I have now are these “snapshots” from my childhood, momentary memories of running and playing tag and hide-and-go seek in the grassy areas behind the schools I attended as a youngster…

When did recess end?  When did being so serious about life overshadow the joy of just living it?

So, I awoke this morning with this rawness, this feeling that I want to play again.  I want to feel the rush of the air in my lungs and the joy heartfelt abandon.  In a way, I truly envy my kitties.  They are such visceral, momentary creatures who—sometimes to my chagrin—just live in and for the moment.  If they want love, they demand it.  If they want to chase a ray of sun, so be it.  If they want to scratch or chew, they just do it…

Ok.  I’ll say it.  Put pointer to computer screen.   I want recess, this feeling of joyful abandon.  I truly believe it is the next logical step in creating a vibrant, abundant life experience.

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I know I shouldn’t.  Whenever I visit my local Petco, I am compelled to visit the cattery area, where they highlight several highly adoptable cats and kittens from local shelters.  My thought, my justification is that I go to give them love and send good adoption vibes their way.  But, inevitably, one or two catch my eye, and I ponder the possibility of adding to my brood.  Just this past week I met two lovely four-month-old striped tiger tabby ladies, just clawing and mewling for attention.  The first sister was quite the show-woman, out there in front purring and rubbing and wanting nothing but for me to have the cage opened… Her sister was a little more demure but still strongly signaled, through her eyes and friendly disposition, her desire for a forever home… 

And for a serious moment, I considered paying the $90 adoption fee for both girls and taking them home.  But then I came to my senses:  Did I really want to become the kitty caretaker well on her way to becoming a true cat lady?  Would it be fair to place these two fair damsels in a home with five males (albeit, all neutered), for them to claw their way into the cat kingdom hierarchy?  I made myself feel somewhat better with the logical thought that kittens get good homes pretty quickly—especially those highlighted at the Petco stores.   But, still, my heart was somewhat heavy as I left the store with my specialty cat food…

Yes, logically, I know I did the right thing.  A balanced and responsible decision.  Unless there is an extraordinary need (which was NOT the case here), my choosing to adopt two additional cats to be brought into a home with a brood of existing feline inhabitants would have been selfish on my part.  But I do know that both Roger and I love cats and — if you ask in a weak moment — we will say yes if another feline approaches us with a true need.  So there is always that tendency to expand…

This incident begs the larger life question of balance.  How do I truly know if I am making the right decisions in my life?  And…  how important is balance when it comes to living a creative life—a life not only replete with responsibility and obligation, but one that’s also painted with whimsy and magic?  

How do I balance my left-logical brain with my right-brained desires for expression and freedom?

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Meow.  Meow.  Let me out.  Let me out.  We want out! Those hairless, huge monster humans corned me, my two brothers and sister and now we’re imprisoned in this….box. Meooow.  Oh, dangly things.  Fun.  Scratching posts.  Funner.  Ok. These hairless monsters are feeding us this liquefied but very yummy  food…but we miss our mommy.   Meow.  Meow.  Meooooowwww.

Ohhhh….my tummy doesn’t feel well.  Who is this monster turning me upside down and wiping my private area?  Ohhhh….this smaller hairless creature is now rubbing my belly and scratching my head.  Prrrr….I may like this.

Allright.  It took a couple of days, but I do think it was love at first swipe.  The poor little kitty—now our Chewie (Chewbacca, the silly wookie)—had a serious case of the runs from the human baby food we were feeding him and his litter mates as part of the socialization process.  It was disgusting, but it had to be done.  And to my delight, he allowed me to “woman handle” him and get him all cleaned up.  It was the beginning of our love affair…I knew, right then, I had the trust of this wily, still somewhat feral kitten. 

It’s been nearly two years, and Chewie is socialized to Roger and me (he’s not so keen on company).  Chewie is affectionate when he wants love from Mommy or Daddy—or when he wants to be fed (which is often!).  And he’s actually quite bossy when you brush him, rubbing against you and the brush, “demanding” more of your service. 

As a king archetype and dominant, Chewie is a prime example of living life fully, yet with an independent mindset.  He gets affection and food needs met—but on his terms.  He does not need to follow you around or cuddle with you continually or even cry for your attention.  No.  He has figured out that the two large hairless ones will stop what they’re doing to scratch and cuddle the moment he graces them with his presence.  And as the kitty “goodwill ambassador,” Chewie does not need to demand the respect of the other cats by hissing and psyching them out.  Naaa.   He gets along with all the cats because it serves him.  They’re quite willing to play with him, roll around, lick and cuddle.

Chewie just is.  He does not need to prove anything.  In this extremely cute, 10 pound package, he is the personification of the adage—a reminder—of being in this world but not of it.  To express who you really are while fully experiencing ALL the gifts of this life—the joys and the sorrows. All the time remembering that this world is just a highly experiential classroom of the self, the soul.  

How wonderful it would be to be so free.

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